Jesus in the Storm: The Neuroscience of the Storm
Part 3 in a series about finding connection with Jesus in emotional storms caused by complex trauma, narcissistic family dynamics, scapegoating, and estrangement.
Over the last 15 years, I have dedicated countless hours to trauma research and recovery to find answers to the questions, “Where are you, God? Why is this happening? How do I make it stop?” What I have learned is that there is a science behind emotional storms in the wake of complex trauma, narcissistic family dynamics, scapegoating, and estrangement. Our attempts to control the storm and our resistance to letting go of the illusion of connection (fantasy or trauma bonds) that we shared within a narcissistic family system is more neurobiological than one might be aware.
Our brains are wired to keep us safe and to protect us from harm. Disconnection from those we love signals to our brain that we are in danger—particularly if the disconnection is from one of our primary attachment figures (our family or anyone on whom we rely for security, i.e. identity, self-worth, protection, provision). Then, our autonomic nervous system (ANS), which is divided into the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) and the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS), responds to the perceived danger through different pathways—fight, flight, fawn, freeze, or shutdown.
When fight-or-flight instincts take over, adrenaline, cortisol, and norepinephrine are triggered by the nervous system to mobilize the mind and body to find safety and to move towards it—immediately. This might look like arguing (fight) or leaving abruptly to avoid arguing (flight).
The fawn response is a relational survival strategy that blends anxiety with appeasing or performing behaviors. The goal is to avoid or dissolve conflict at all costs. This can look like saying and doing (or not saying and doing) what an attachment figure wants even when it is not aligned with one’s own values, beliefs, needs, or wants.
When the nervous system preps the body for fight-flight-or-fawn, and there is no possibility of preventing, escaping, or avoiding harm, the body can go into a freeze state. This feels like having one foot on the gas pedal and the brake at the same time. It presents as being hyper-aware of everything, but unable to move, speak, or express emotions freely.
Finally, in situations that are perceived to be even more threatening, combined with an overwhelming sense of helplessness, the nervous system downshifts into immobilization or shutdown. This is akin to an animal “playing dead”, and might look like going numb, not being able to speak at all, or “going through the motions” while dissociating (things appear and feel fuzzy, detached, or not real) from reality and self.
Trauma causes disconnection. In both hyperarousal (fight, flight, or fawn) and hypoarousal (freeze or shutdown), the parts of the brain (mainly the prefrontal cortex) that enable us to perceive our circumstances clearly and feel emotionally connected to ourselves, others, and God go offline. This means it is biologically impossible for the brain to reason and consider nuanced details about our circumstances. In hyperarousal or hypoarousal, the brain can only think in black and white (safe or not safe).
It also means that the brain turns off the emotional systems related to connection and we lose our felt sense of empathy, compassion, patience, gentleness, curiosity, trust, joy, affection, hope, belonging, creativity, courage, desire, vulnerability, playfulness, and spiritual attunement. Without access to these emotions or our felt sense of connection to God, self, and others, the only reactions our brain shows us are fight, flight, freeze, fawn, or shutdown.
Furthermore, in the wake of an event that caused the trauma, we are left with the memory of the event on top of any actual harm, loss, or disconnection in relationship that we have suffered. Many people can say or think, “Get over it”, or “That happened ages ago”, but trauma is not necessarily the event itself; it is something that happens inside the body to the nervous system in response to the event. An event becomes traumatic when it causes such harm (emotional overwhelm) to the brain and body that it rewires our neurological pathways, and makes us slaves to the fear response center of our brain. Until the memory of the trauma is “resolved” or “processed”, our nervous system will react to any reminders of the trauma in the same way it did when it first occurred. Without intervention, the brain and the body will endlessly seek to resolve the traumatic memory and to restore connection through ruminations, searching for meaning, reenactments of the trauma, nightmares, etc.
Thus, our nervous system will always be vulnerable to being tossed back and forth by the waves of shame, fear, and grief until it connects with someone who is with us in the storm, strong enough to rescue us from fear, able to rewire the chaos in our nervous system, and willing to guide us back to safety and connection.
What we are going to discover in this series is…that someone is Jesus. Now, I invite you to get into the boat with me. Let’s encounter Jesus in the storm together.